sofapizza:

he was raised by acrobatic ostriches

angeldictator:

Remember that episode of Spongebob, where Spongebob and Mr. Krabs thought they killed the health inspector, but instead of calling the police, they taught children it’s okay to just bury the body instead.

krabwatch:

finally an option that fits me

teenytigress:

SO THIS GUY IN MY ENGLISH IS DOING A PROJECT FOR BIO WHERE HE GETS A DUCKLING TO IMPRINT ON HIM SO HE JUST CARRIES IT AROUND WITH HIM TO ALL OF HIS CLASSES AND I SWEAR THIS DUCK IS THE MOST WELL BEHAVED FUCKING POULTRY IVE EVER SEEN IT JUST SITS ON HIS DESK QUIETLY AND SOMETIMES HE PUTS IT IN HIS POCKET AND IT JUST SLEEPS LIKE WOW YOU GO DUCKY

(Source: originalprobe)

drarna:

instead of learning from my mistakes i like to dwell on them until i have a panic attack.